I am the Happiest Depressed Person You’ll Ever Meet
When people think of someone who is depressed they often picture someone who is, always moping around, sad all the time, and sometimes even on the brink of self-harm, but in reality, Depression looks different on everyone.
Growing up in a typical Dominican household, whenever I would utter the word “depression” or when I would try to explain to my parents that something didn’t feel right, all my father would say was “ You have no need to be depressed, you don’t pay bills, you don’t have kids, all you have to worry about is school,” while my mother just sat there feeling like there was nothing she could say or do to help. So whenever I was feeling down, I’d tell myself “Who the hell am I to be depressed? I legit grew up having everything I needed and basically everything I ever wanted. There are people who have it way worse.” It wasn’t until recently I realized, NO! my problems are real and these feelings that I am experiencing are valid.
Over the years I’ve been able to cover up my emotions by being outgoing, always in a good mood, lovable person, and let me tell you it’s EXHAUSTING! And this is not to say I am always sad or in a mood, a majority of the time I am actually happy, I am having a good time, I’m living my best life, but then there are days where I am literally hitting rock bottom and I can’t tell anyone because in my mind “I have no need to be depressed.” So when you see that post that says “Check up on your strong friends,” that’s because even the happiest, most well put together of people are battling with their own demons.
About two months ago, I broke down on the phone with my mother because I just couldn’t handle everything I was going through and feeling. My mother, feeling helpless, reached out to those closest to me, my cousin and sister-in-law, who sat hours with me listening and telling me that it's OK. They told me that I need to let go of all the hurt and baggage that no longer brings me joy and peace and seek help. Since then I’ve allowed myself to open up to those closest to me who I know I can trust, because still to this day, I refuse to just tell anyone my problems. I have also found someone to talk to, who is able to help me understand and work through my feelings. I was ashamed at first, like who the hell goes to therapy? But honestly, if you talk to most people in their twenties, so many of us are in some type of therapy or are involved in an activity to relieve stress. It’s actually pretty fucked up that in our twenties, so many of us have so much heavy shit on our shoulders. So if you feel ashamed or embarrassed about getting help, DON’T! It is something that sometimes is just necessary.
Since my breakdown, I try not to always put so my pressure on myself. I want to be perfect ALL the time and that is just not possible. I also make sure to remind myself things will happen when they are meant to happen because if not I will literally go insane if I feel that I have not accomplished whatever it is I want. I breathe now and let go of everyone and anything that brings the slightest negativity into my life. Obviously, all these feelings aren’t getting fixed overnight but I’m proud that I am finally working on this and not just telling myself “I have no need to be depressed.”
If you are currently going through something similar please reach out to someone, seek therapy and if you feel comfortable speaking with me please do so. I’m always here to help. A few at-home things that also helped me were journaling, meditating and I started loving myself and acknowledging my feelings. Remember to breathe and know that everything will be okay.
In need of help:
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline,800-273-8255
SAMHSA’s National Helpline, 1-800-662-HELP (4357),