I Don’t Like Having Sex With the Lights On: Here’s Why
Now before one of my old partners comes on here and claims that I’m lying, it’s not that I don’t have sex with the lights on, it’s that my insecurities start to take over, and instead of being in the moment, all I’m thinking about is, “O M G! Is he looking at my stretch marks? Do you think he noticed my “not so perfect” skin? How about my love handles?” All these crazy thoughts are running through my mind and honestly, I rather just turn the lights off and avoid them entirely.
In an era where everyone on social media looks practically perfect, it’s nearly impossible not to notice your own flaws. These celebrities seem to not even have a single scar on their entire body and here I am with discoloration, keloid scarring, and acne. Who's going to even want to look at me? I know, I know. I shouldn’t care about the opinions of others, but it’s hard not to care when it’s the opinion of someone you’re sharing your body with. Sometimes, I would even think to myself, “well why would he want me with all my imperfections, when he could have someone who is flawless?” And that’s where I needed to realize, EVERYONE HAS THEIR OWN IMPERFECTIONS!
A few months ago, I went on a little soul searching because I knew I could not be the only one with these thoughts running through my mind. I spoke to friends, family members, people on my social media platforms and saw that so many of us have these same issues. Not only women, but even men feel extremely insecure and vulnerable when they are intimate with their partners. But why are things like this not talked about more often? It’s extremely normal to have discoloration under your armpits, between your inner thighs, and all around, especially people with more melanin. Also, stretch marks have this stigma attached to them that only heavy set individuals have them, but that’s just not true. It seems like talking about these insecurities have become a taboo, but they shouldn’t be. We all have some sort of “imperfection” that we cannot control.
So if you’re like me and you have felt this way, these are somethings that I have said to myself or have done to make me more confident and more carefree about my “flaws”:
1.Stopped caring about what my partner MIGHT be thinking:
When you’re being intimate with someone 9 out of 10 times the other person isn’t even focused on any of the “flaws” you are worried about. They are just happy to be in the moment, so stop ruining it and have fun. At the end of the day, the person you’re sharing your body with should care enough about you to love you the way you are.
2.You are not the only one:
EVERYONE has things that they consider “flaws” and I promise you there are hundreds of thousands of people with the same things that have made you feel less than perfect in the past. Embrace those scars, that skin, and everything else, because that’s you, and you ARE perfect.
3.You are beautiful:
I know a lot of people aren’t religious or whatever, but I do believe that God made everyone the way they are supposed to be. Every scar, every “imperfection” is part of your own story to this world, and instead of hiding it and being ashamed, embrace them. Stop comparing yourself to people who don’t even look like that in real life. You are beautiful.
Obviously, you can continue to do things that make you feel great, for me it’s getting my nails done, doing my hair, but I no longer look at these things as something that is going to “fix” my flaws for others. I look at it as something that makes me feel good! So turn that light on while having sex and enjoy the moment.
Lost in her Twenties